So the Burj Dubai is the new tallest building in the world, it’s 160+ stories, and good lord that video is going to give me nightmares. When the station was in downtown Boston, we worked in the Pru, and I avoided all opportunities presented to me to go on top of that sucker, and that’s only 50 or so stories tall. It just freaked me out. I’ve never been all that good with heights, and this thing, while awesome, scares the living crap out of me. It doesn’t even look real. That first video is straight nightmare fuel.
(By the way, I don’t think I’d ever want to live in Dubai. I know it’s some sort of booming super city with all this crazy architecture and stuff; but really, dude: the desert is still the desert.)
I’ve never tried a Zagnut, but now that I know it has peanut butter AND coconut, I’m running to 7-11 right after work and picking me up a few of those bad boys. Oh, and Take-5 is the best candybar ever, hands-down. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
These have been kicking around on thew ol’ internet a while, but MAN, these videos are killer. Some fantastic moustaches in this bunch. Monroe’s my favorite. He likes to wear bright socks and he’s a Cleveland Browns fan. You think you can handle him, ladies? He sounds AWESOME.
Well, alright then. I’ve been doing this bit on WZLX for over 4 years now, and I’ve got plenty of them, but considering I’ve been seeing more ripoffs of it, I thought I might as well stake my claim.
Listen to it here: WZLX Karlson & McKenzie’s Podcast Page. Originally aired NOVEMBER 16th, 2009 on 100.7 WZLX Boston’s Classic Rock : The “Karlson & McKenzie” Morning Show. Dowload it here:
Well hey there, snotbubbles. So I was at a house party over the weekend with a couple of buddies, and the dude who was throwing the shindig had this really nice ground floor apartment, with a big old backyard off the back. We, however, were positioned next to the fridge, (closer accessto the beer after all) and were having a bunch of drunken fun when things got “Kevin-dancing to ABBA in the studio when he thinks no one is watching” weird.
We were inside putting down beers like Kevin puts away microwaved dingdongs when we heard screams and cursing coming from the yard. People started running inside like they were being chased by something terrifying and terrible, like a football movie starring Sandra Bullock or the Jay Leno show.
Turns out, while there were a ton of drunk people out back filling their gullets with some natty ice, there was one really drunk guy on the Roofdeck above who was emptying his bladder. Yep, we had a douchnozzle pull an R Kelly, and coincidently, our that guy for this week. That Guy who just loves to pee in public.
After everybody got done puking and beating the crap out of Pissypants McGoo, I realized how many of these choadstains walk among us. We all know a chumpwad who won’t wait in the lines for a port-a-potty at the pats game or while tailgating at a concert down at the tweeter center parking lot, so he just walks behind the closest SUV and unleashes the crying dragon.
This dumpcake will whip it out and water the lilies at his grandmother’s funeral if he feels the slightest need to tinkle. He considers public restrooms more useless and unhelpful than Lawrence Maroney. In the pool; in the back alley on the way back from the bar; and apparently, off a roofdeck onto a bunch of unsuspecting fellow partygoers.
This polesmoker will pull out his pudstick and piddle a puddle of pee before Pete can praise his putter. Look, champ, I know what’s it like to have slammed a sixer in 60 minutes and I know that makes you need to race like a pisshorse, but the world is not your urinal, you’ve got to at least make an attempt to find a toilet. You can’t be walking about whipping it out and whizzing away like you were the pats pissing away timeouts last night.
This poodlehumper shows less enthusiasm for finding a proper place for his waste than The Colts’ coach shows human emotion or communication. I don’t care if you pee silver coins and naked pictures of that hot redhead from Mad Men, we’ve had working indoor plumbing for ages now, it’s about time you put it to good use. So before you shower me in the same way ESPN will be spurting Peyton Manning love this week, why don’t you holster your trouser-snake or put a cork in it until you can find a bathroom.
Otherwise, I’ll kick you in the nethers so hard, you’ll only be able to do that sitting down from now on. Oh, and cram it up your cramhole yourself, because there ain’t no way I’m touching your dangly bits. Do me a favor, don’t be that guy.
Toby Jones is the master of multitasking and interweaving some great ass things together to make the moolah. And after becoming familiar with his work, I’ve come to the realization that if I ever went nusto and decided to goin on a killing rampage, Toby Jones is my go-to guy to handle all facets of me getting away scot-free. Check it out: After I go on the murderous rampage, my first call from the backseat of my white Bronco would be to seek his legal advice, so I’d dial up his latest undertaking: The Cheap Ass Legal and Day-Care Academy:
But he doesn’t stop there, he can help you move and stash all those bodies you’ve got in your freezer:
After you’re done getting away with a gruesome triple-homicide, my guess would be that you’ll probably be hungry and a little stressed out. Not to worry, Toby’s got a cure for what ails ya:
God, I hate the Cavs. This is easily the dunk of the year so far, and what they don’t show you (until the replay) is LeBron getting blocked to start this play.
